Dreaming of Child #3

Now that we are officially IN the process of adopting, rather than just dreaming of adopting, we figured it was time to put this journey into writing.  (LOTS of writing...)  It's been a journey a long time in the making, beginning with a desire placed on our hearts over 13 years ago.

Early on in our marriage, Steve and I talked about being open to adoption as one of the ways we'd like to grow our family.  We believe the bible is very clear that God passionately cares for the poor, the widowed, and the orphaned and fatherless, and that He desires for us to respond by caring for the marginalized as well.  While people are given many different passions and are called to respond in so many different ways, we believe one of the ways we've been given a heart to respond is by being the forever family to a child that needs one.

We began sponsoring a little girl from Sierra Leone during our first year of marriage and I'll never forget the moment we got our first letter and picture from her.  It had been a frustrating day (who knows why), but I remember seeing her beautiful, bright smile and having all those frustrations instantly melt away.  This little girl totally captured our heart and ignited a deeper desire to go from being "open" to adopt to hoping and praying adoption would be a part of our family's story the same way we hoped and prayed for our other children.

While we enjoyed talking about our future children, we were definitely in no rush to start a family in those early years so when the topic of kids came up, we'd normally say "we'd love to have a child, adopt a little girl from Africa, and have another child" as our ideal plan/dream.  When we finally figured the time was right to start a family (well, God decided even earlier was even better... haha), we were overjoyed to welcome Maelee in 2010.  We were living in NYC at the time and had no intention to leave anytime soon, so our "dream" evolved to envisioning having two children before adopting a third.  As much as we loved every moment of living in the Big Apple, it certainly didn't do our budget any favors.  We had learned enough about the process (and cost!) of international adoption to realize that adopting a child in NYC with two kids already filling our cozy one bedroom apartment probably wasn't going to happen.

After being beyond blessed by Lilee's birth in 2014, it was becoming more and more obvious that we couldn't responsibly sustain Manhattan family living that included hopes for another child in the near future.  So as much as we loved it and as broken-hearted as we were to leave it, after 8 years on the Upper East Side, it was time to move on. Being closer to all of our family, not to mention the incredible blessing of living within a few miles of my parents, in addition to connections we already had in the area and the draw of DC nearby, Northern VA was by far the obvious choice to relocate to.


It was also after Lilee's birth that we started wondering if we were simply meant to parent girls or perhaps we should consider adding a son to our family. But the desire to adopt from Africa was as strong as ever.  As soon as we moved into our current home which could accommodate a third child, we began researching international adoption more fully.  We attended an orientation meeting with one agency and had several phone calls with a few others that worked in different countries in Africa.

Speaking of different countries in Africa, despite there being roughly over 30 million orphans on the massive continent of Africa, very few countries there actually allow international adoption for various reasons.  One country is currently in the process of passing a law which would require prospective adoptive families to live there for a couple of years in order to adopt, and a couple of others limit adoptions only to children aged 8 or older.  We have always been encouraged to keep Maelee as the oldest (if you know our dear Maelee even the slightest, you would agree!:), which limits our options to a child aged 6 and under. During our initial search, South Africa seemed like the right counrty to pursue but as we were learning about the process last fall, we were discouraged by the in-country requirements.  We worried about how we would manage up to two months in another country given Steve's work and Maelee in school.  At the same time, we were being introduced to a domestic pilot program called "Foster-to-Adopt."

While we agree that there is nothing like a newborn baby, and we absolutely loved those sweet early days, months, and years with Maelee and Lilee, we also always imagined adopting a child that was past the baby/toddler years.  Our knowledge of domestic adoption was that our options would be infant adoption or foster care where we would potentially foster a number of children before a child would become available for adoption. Neither of these options matched our desires for our family, especially given our girls' personalities and dispositions so we assumed domestic adoption wouldn't be a possibility for us. So when we learned of the "Foster-to-Adopt" program which places children from the foster care system (who have already had parental rights terminated) with forever families, we were very interested.

After A LOT of prayer, we submitted our formal application to the pilot program at the beginning of this year, attended the required training in January, then began the massive home study paperwork.  It took us much longer than we anticipated to complete but we excitedly mailed in our packet at the end of June and were so thrilled to quickly learn that it was complete and we could expect a phone call in August to begin the home study.

Then, the phone call came on July 29th...

It wasn't the call we were expecting.  Instead of calling to set up the first home study appointment, we were being encouraged that we should probably start looking at other options for adoption unless we were open to children over age ten or with severe special needs.  Again, given our current family environment, we had to be honest with ourselves about the child we could realistically and adequately care for. As the program we applied for is still in the early stages, there are still many unknowns and they are finding that children in the age range that we believe would be the best fit for our family (and likewise we would be the best fit for) are not often available for adoption.  Younger children are typically adopted by their foster families, which is great, and we certainly didn't feel right praying that more children would need homes!  We were told that if we continued with the domestic foster-to-adopt program, we could anticipate a wait of at least three years before we could bring our child home.

While we understand that adoption is definitely more a marathon than a sprint, and we anticipated a lengthy wait with various bumps and turns along the wait, this was a road block we were not expecting. Once the initial shock wore off, we dove back into research and re-examined how we wanted to move forward.  We were drawn back to South Africa and decided to look a little deeper into our initial fears regarding the in-country stay (the time we'd actually have to be in South Africa in order to legally bring our child back to the States).  We got encouragement in both areas that were concerns of ours when we explored South Africa about a year ago and spent more time in some serious prayer.    

Bringing this (very) long first chapter of our story to a close, we switched over to apply to adopt from South Africa a few weeks ago and were very encouraged that much of our previous paperwork from the domestic program was able to transfer over.  So much so that we were able to go ahead and schedule the first home study interview!  For THIS Sat!  We are so excited to be moving forward.  We don't fully understand the major detour between our initial search into South Africa a year ago to being brought back there now, but we trust that God had purpose in all of the training, prayer, and study we had along the way.   He has been so gracious and merciful in providing so much peace and clarity as we pursue this new direction, even after we felt such confirmation in the direction we had been led before.  We are being reminded that God is more concerned over our hearts toward loving and caring for one of HIS children, rather than our decision in pursuing the specific child we bring into our home and the specific country they are coming from. 

We will be updating this blog along the way and can't wait to see what God has in store!

Fitting in some final fun in August!

The girls didn't have any camps or lots of structured activities last month but that didn't stop it from quickly filling up and flying by.  With our beach trip at the beginning of the month and a quick trip up to NYC in the middle of the month, August seemed to finish up before it started.  The girls still enjoyed lots of time with friends though and even some cool animals, too.

Impromptu ice cream treat with the neighbors!

(Yes, Maelee is wearing a "dalmation ears" headband)

And yes, that IS a praying mantis in our neighbor's lavender plant.  

So cool!

And once again, yes, you are seeing correctly- there is a pool inside another pool.

We do what we have to do on hot days!

Including some bubble wrap hopscotch before the recycling goes out...

Popsicles are always the best way to end a play date!

Maelee had the idea of a "parade" one Saturday morning, and since the car needed to be washed anyway, we went with it and let the girls have at it painting the windows of the car.  We then dressed up in our fanciest, and drove around the neighborhood with windows down and pinwheels out.

Parade was a success!

More outdoor neighborhood fun!

Date night!

We loved our evening out of dinner, catching the new Bourne flick, then dessert all in adorable Shirlington Village.

 

Helping Maelee keep up her newly acquired swimming skills!

In the middle of the month, we made a  trip back up to New York to see some very special friends.  We drove to Westchester first to see the Sullivans, who were dear friends of ours in NYC and moved just outside the city around the same time that we moved to VA and we stayed the night there.  It was such a sweet time of reconnecting and the kiddos had a blast playing together.

 

We got our own little Olympics performance!

So many fun memories with these kiddos!

And with these two.

It was such an awesome time- we could've talked the whole night!

We drove into Manhattan Sunday morning for service at our dear Apostles Church and loved seeing many of our good friends afterward at Burger Fi.  

Lilee fell asleep in the stroller as soon as we finished lunch so it gave me a great excuse

to walk her across Central Park since were staying the night on the UWS.

Oh, how I miss that beautiful park!

Cupcake snack at Magnolia's!

Quick playground stop :)

Enjoying some yummy grilled cheese sandwiches at a classic NYC diner.

(Then Steve and I ordered some delicious Indian food after the girls were in bed!)

Breakfast at one of our favorites-

Alice's Tea Cup!

More playground fun.

After a nap and some downtime, we were off to our old neighborhood to spend time with some of our closest friends.  We had yummy pizza and more cupcakes and the girls had a blast with their pals.

With Ashley & Alex, and James & Ethan, 

their buddies that are like brothers.

Loved seeing David & Radhika!

We had an awesome evening our last night there at the Sholes with Desiree, Jay, Todd, and Nate, some of our closest friends when we lived in NYC.  Of course I didn't get any pics of the crew, but man, they are all missed dearly!  

Some final playground fun with these two sweeties.

One of my faves :)

So great to just pick right back up with this special friend.

Fun trip to the zoo with two of Lilee's special pals after we got back!

Enraptured by the panda!

Maelee loved the statues on this trip!

 

Two sweethearts... Lilee and bud, Myra!

Can't turn down a water mister!

Enjoying a morning in Shirlington for their "Dog Day!"

One of the most impressive face painting she's had!

They even had fire trucks and balloon animals...

Maelee just loves this day and is in her element petting and spending time with as many doggies as she could!

Enjoying some final summer days water fun with some of our favorite neighbors!

Haircuts before school!

Lilee's first one- she did great!

(the lollipop didn't hurt)

Pizza and movie night at a friends' place with her K class pals!

Final playdate before school starts with "best friend," Caroline!

Decorating donuts... happy girls!

It was a great summer but went by so fast...  I can't believe both girls have already had their first week of school! It's a little bittersweet how quickly the time is flying but we always look forward to this time of year so bring on the fall season!

More pics from August:

https://pix.sfly.com/wyxPOG